Have you ever just felt like a muddle-headed sloth, sort of slogging one foot in front of the other the best you can? Eyes twitching constantly and not a lot of feeling in your legs or toes? Well, that's about how I feel today...and that's the honest truth! Not that I am in the practice of telling anything but the whole truth...just thought I'd share. It was surprising every time I stood up today - oh yeah, my limbs are not working properly. Glad this is the LAST and FINAL chemo and once I get back up to speed (there is NO speed happening today!) I won't get drenched back down again.
And then there is Vitamin D. I asked again this last time at the oncologist if they ever ran that blood test I had requested at the advice of the dietitian. She found the results from back in May. In a normal range of 25-80, my level was 27. So, on the very low end. Granted, this was before I started my daily-if-possible routine of absorbing some sunlight, so I don't know my levels now. I've recently read many articles that have found the cause of mysterious and strange symptoms to be a Vitamin D deficiency (there was an article in today's Pioneer Press, by the way). We are at a disadvantage here in this northern state of MN - at least if you are a "winter wimpy" like I am - 15 minutes of head/hand/leg exposure between October and March is pretty much not going to happen! Supplements?
I really feel these health priorities couldn't be more important - don't let anything stand between you and good health choices - exercise, healthy food choices, purified water, vitamin levels, meditation, BREATHE. Reduce stress and make life changes when necessary to maintain balance. It's not easy - I "chose" some warm molten chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream, & hot fudge tonight at Applebee's for Mike's 40th (he just loves when they sing & clap!! NOT!). An okay choice just for today - guilt isn't good either. And please don't let anyone try to instill guilt in you for making these positive choices for your life, maybe just because they might not be in their list of priorities. I let many of these just get away from me before this life-changing event known as cancer came into my life. With all I've learned, there is really no going back.
Yesterday I finished reading "The Shack" by William P. Young, as was recommended by our pastor. There were many good "learnings" in this novel. One is that we are not truly "free" when we keep trying to do things in our own human strength - without God/Jesus/Holy Spirit nothing can really be accomplished. With Him, ALL things are possible! Even life circumstances can be very different when we realize we don't have to try to understand how or why everything has happened - we just need to trust - in ALL things. This is huge for me. I was constantly saying, "Yes, but what about...?" Rather than just resting in Him and trusting fully. I'm sure this will be an on-going lesson, but I'm glad it's a path I've started walking along, and I'm very happy I'm not walking it alone. If we say "God is good, all the time!" then we must believe this.
Another quote I read is, "If anything is important, than everything is important."
Oh, and the mortality rate for humans is 100%, just in case you forgot. Everyone will eventually die and there is nothing we can do about that - just live the very best we can while we are alive! And we are alive every day that we have breath. Bernie Siegel's books share an abundance of good information and reminders.
Got a great email today, too: "When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close. Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...(thanks, Kim!)
I hope I have been a blessing to someone today - I know many of you have been a blessing to me! I apologize if this post was like a winding mountain road today, but sometimes I just have to go along for the ride, even when I feel like I might go careening off the edge! I appreciate each and every one of you and your positive thoughts, emails, cards, prayers. Remember that you are wrapped in love at all times and that God is especially fond of YOU! (Another great quote from The Shack.)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
6 out of 6!
Chemotherapy number 6 out of 6 is complete! Yeah! Once the side effects have come & gone, it will be time to celebrate! Sonja & I did get a nice Dunn Bros Ice Crema drink yesterday, so that started it off. My counts were good - thanks to all for your specific prayers! I am working on 3 and 4 hours of sleep for the last two nights, so please forgive any nonsensical ramblings...
And....it appears I'm starting to have a tiny bit of baby fuzzy hair growing! The Nurse Practitioner even rubbed my head! So, that's good. Now, to determine what texture and color (better not be gray!) I'm going to get. Hopefully it won't decide to fall out one last time....
My next step is to research some good radiation creams for that stage of treatment. I have several in mind, so I feel better about the upcoming radiation. I anticipate less interruptive side effects, such as the foggy chemo brain, lack of taste buds, super dry mouth, and steroid crashes resulting in major fatigue.
I've found several good cookbooks, with some suggestions from a neighbor. This weekend my sister is joining me again to hopefully cook up something for the week. The Best Light Recipe cookbook by Cook's Illustrated has a ton a great cooking information describing how they made really delicious recipes lighter without compromising taste or texture. I think we'll give a couple of those a whirl (okay, she does most of the work & I mostly sit back!).
I also wanted to note that Mike's 40th birthday is next Tuesday, the 22nd. I'm afraid we won't be throwing a big party this year, for a variety of reasons (some very obvious!). Maybe we'll have a party for his 41st....what a young pup!
Alec completed Safety Camp yesterday, and I did make it to his graduation ceremony. Passed on the great looking cake, though. He learned a lot and had some fun! He starts his baseball tournaments this evening, which will continue throughout the weekend (for awhile anyway!). I'll probably miss most of those games, unfortunately.
A prayer request. Our long-time day care provider, Chris, found out early this week that her sweet little 3 month old grandson passed away from SIDS. Little Austin was born to her son, David, and his wife, Megan, on April 8th. This entire family could certainly use prayers during this extremely difficult and tragic time.
We so, so, so appreciate all the help that you all have been offering and providing! It's really nice when the boys can be off having fun elsewhere without worrying about me sitting in a chair not being their "normal" mom. We're hoping to plan a little "caregiver" get together once the radiation is past. I'm thinking a little Cossetta Eventi Mostaccioli Con Ricotta on the deck! :O) As always, we cherish your prayers and positive thoughts! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! Have a blessed weekend!
And....it appears I'm starting to have a tiny bit of baby fuzzy hair growing! The Nurse Practitioner even rubbed my head! So, that's good. Now, to determine what texture and color (better not be gray!) I'm going to get. Hopefully it won't decide to fall out one last time....
My next step is to research some good radiation creams for that stage of treatment. I have several in mind, so I feel better about the upcoming radiation. I anticipate less interruptive side effects, such as the foggy chemo brain, lack of taste buds, super dry mouth, and steroid crashes resulting in major fatigue.
I've found several good cookbooks, with some suggestions from a neighbor. This weekend my sister is joining me again to hopefully cook up something for the week. The Best Light Recipe cookbook by Cook's Illustrated has a ton a great cooking information describing how they made really delicious recipes lighter without compromising taste or texture. I think we'll give a couple of those a whirl (okay, she does most of the work & I mostly sit back!).
I also wanted to note that Mike's 40th birthday is next Tuesday, the 22nd. I'm afraid we won't be throwing a big party this year, for a variety of reasons (some very obvious!). Maybe we'll have a party for his 41st....what a young pup!
Alec completed Safety Camp yesterday, and I did make it to his graduation ceremony. Passed on the great looking cake, though. He learned a lot and had some fun! He starts his baseball tournaments this evening, which will continue throughout the weekend (for awhile anyway!). I'll probably miss most of those games, unfortunately.
A prayer request. Our long-time day care provider, Chris, found out early this week that her sweet little 3 month old grandson passed away from SIDS. Little Austin was born to her son, David, and his wife, Megan, on April 8th. This entire family could certainly use prayers during this extremely difficult and tragic time.
We so, so, so appreciate all the help that you all have been offering and providing! It's really nice when the boys can be off having fun elsewhere without worrying about me sitting in a chair not being their "normal" mom. We're hoping to plan a little "caregiver" get together once the radiation is past. I'm thinking a little Cossetta Eventi Mostaccioli Con Ricotta on the deck! :O) As always, we cherish your prayers and positive thoughts! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! Have a blessed weekend!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Almost there....
Sorry so long since my last posting. I hope everyone had a nice 4th of July. I came in the house early from our neighbors' annual party & watched a Christmas in July movie. I did watch the fireworks from inside.
Only 5 more days until my FINAL chemotherapy treatment! Number 5 really was exhausting. I again took extra steroids to ward off any itch/hive problem. They really caused some major fatigue and "foggy" brain - for virtually the entire next week! I didn't work too much during that time; I could barely speak coherently on the phone! And it resulted in me having that puffy "bulldog" bumpy cheek appearance, which was fairly disheartening whenever I looked in the mirror. It has finally subsided....I just might reduce those steroids myself this next time...Oh, and the hot flashes & night sweats are no picnic either (unless it's a picnic in the blazing hot sun!). Those may or may not be permanent...we can "treat" them once I'm finished with the chemo treatments...do I feel old???
I also had my initial appointment with Dr. Bellairs, the Radiation Oncologist, this last Thursday. First we (Sonja & I) met with the nurse, Kim, who was just wonderful & explained things - even flipped through a little photo album to show me what to expect. After discussing options, we are going with the "Canadian Protocol" which involves daily radiation treatments for 3 weeks and one day, rather than daily for 6 weeks (I get the weekends off either way). Each dose will be about 25% higher than if using the traditional protocol, but she anticipates fairly similar side effects, which will most likely consist of fatigue and a "sunburn" in the treatment area. Both the doctor and the nurse cautioned that the fatigue will build up over a period of time, and then it will also require a similar period of time to gain my energy back (we're talking weeks on both ends). She said I'm starting at a "deficit" coming off of chemotherapy and it's own brand of fatigue. In any case, my first "dry run" day is August 4th, and then, assuming I don't have to miss any because of the flu or anything, my final one is 16 treatments later on August 26th. There is an end in sight! The oncologist anticipates I'll be able to work half days or maybe a little more during radiation. I also had a CT scan and got 3 tattoos! These will help ensure the machine is lined up correctly. I asked if that's how it felt to get a regular tattoo - if so, I'm not ever getting one! That would hurt! Ouch! :O)
Yesterday was the 2nd annual Cottage Grove Relay for Life. My mom & step dad were up, Mike's mom, sister, and niece came over, and my good friend, Coreen, joined me for the caregiver lap right after the survivor lap. They really do honor the survivors at these events. It's just strange to think I'll be a survivor every year, not just this year. No wonder these events grow & grow every year. There were people that have been survivors from 3 months to 51 years! There seemed to be a good turn out and many teams had games & items for sale, and of course the Silent Auction was in action. They did, unfortunately, have to shut the whole thing down around 8:30 or so because of the impending nasty weather conditions. So, no luminarias lit around the track this year. I would love to be more involved next year and organize a team to walk and raise $ to fight cancer....so be thinking of joining me!! The more the merrier! The good news is that it's just across the street from our home (assuming it will be in the same location) and we wouldn't even have to use the good old Biffys!
This last Wednesday, I had 3 high school girlfriends come up to visit and take me and another good long time friend, Jane, to the Plymouth Playhouse to see "The Church Basement Ladies II: A Second Helping." We enjoyed dinner at the Green Mill first, and then had many good laughs. It was funny how very reminiscent the set was to the basement of the rural Iowa church I grew up in! Right down to that tall kitchen stool and the Wonder bread bags to cover the leaky boots in the winter (set in 1969-1970). Very fun! Thanks Anita, Pam, and Tammy! :O)
On this same day, Mike took and passed his final national EMT exam the first time through! Now he's official, and life can hopefully get a little bit back to normal, without as much studying for exams. Way to go!
Today was Kevin's baseball tournament, so we watched his game at 11:00. His team lost, so they are done for the season. Alec's tourney is next weekend, but I doubt I'll be feeling perky enough to make it to those games. Alec is also going to attend a local Safety Camp for 3 days this week, which sounds like it includes many great learning activities.
It seems like I'm getting busier and busier and not necessarily following all my healing routines like I should be. I'm hoping/planning to get back at that this week. Daily devotions, exercise, tea (I'm doing okay with that!), eating healthy, inspirational reading and music. I have to start planning how I'll accomplish this once I get back to the office (not sure exactly when yet). I need to keep using the reverse osmosis filtered water for drinking & for daily tea etc.. And I'll need to keep daily exercise in the mix as well. Some things to think about...
I will end for now and promise to post again soon! I want to thank everyone for your continued prayers and positive thoughts and helping hands and generous hearts! We've had so many wonderful helpful gifts in so many ways and I am so humbled and thankful. This could easily have been a nightmare experience without all of you - I pray blessings to each one of you!
Only 5 more days until my FINAL chemotherapy treatment! Number 5 really was exhausting. I again took extra steroids to ward off any itch/hive problem. They really caused some major fatigue and "foggy" brain - for virtually the entire next week! I didn't work too much during that time; I could barely speak coherently on the phone! And it resulted in me having that puffy "bulldog" bumpy cheek appearance, which was fairly disheartening whenever I looked in the mirror. It has finally subsided....I just might reduce those steroids myself this next time...Oh, and the hot flashes & night sweats are no picnic either (unless it's a picnic in the blazing hot sun!). Those may or may not be permanent...we can "treat" them once I'm finished with the chemo treatments...do I feel old???
I also had my initial appointment with Dr. Bellairs, the Radiation Oncologist, this last Thursday. First we (Sonja & I) met with the nurse, Kim, who was just wonderful & explained things - even flipped through a little photo album to show me what to expect. After discussing options, we are going with the "Canadian Protocol" which involves daily radiation treatments for 3 weeks and one day, rather than daily for 6 weeks (I get the weekends off either way). Each dose will be about 25% higher than if using the traditional protocol, but she anticipates fairly similar side effects, which will most likely consist of fatigue and a "sunburn" in the treatment area. Both the doctor and the nurse cautioned that the fatigue will build up over a period of time, and then it will also require a similar period of time to gain my energy back (we're talking weeks on both ends). She said I'm starting at a "deficit" coming off of chemotherapy and it's own brand of fatigue. In any case, my first "dry run" day is August 4th, and then, assuming I don't have to miss any because of the flu or anything, my final one is 16 treatments later on August 26th. There is an end in sight! The oncologist anticipates I'll be able to work half days or maybe a little more during radiation. I also had a CT scan and got 3 tattoos! These will help ensure the machine is lined up correctly. I asked if that's how it felt to get a regular tattoo - if so, I'm not ever getting one! That would hurt! Ouch! :O)
Yesterday was the 2nd annual Cottage Grove Relay for Life. My mom & step dad were up, Mike's mom, sister, and niece came over, and my good friend, Coreen, joined me for the caregiver lap right after the survivor lap. They really do honor the survivors at these events. It's just strange to think I'll be a survivor every year, not just this year. No wonder these events grow & grow every year. There were people that have been survivors from 3 months to 51 years! There seemed to be a good turn out and many teams had games & items for sale, and of course the Silent Auction was in action. They did, unfortunately, have to shut the whole thing down around 8:30 or so because of the impending nasty weather conditions. So, no luminarias lit around the track this year. I would love to be more involved next year and organize a team to walk and raise $ to fight cancer....so be thinking of joining me!! The more the merrier! The good news is that it's just across the street from our home (assuming it will be in the same location) and we wouldn't even have to use the good old Biffys!
This last Wednesday, I had 3 high school girlfriends come up to visit and take me and another good long time friend, Jane, to the Plymouth Playhouse to see "The Church Basement Ladies II: A Second Helping." We enjoyed dinner at the Green Mill first, and then had many good laughs. It was funny how very reminiscent the set was to the basement of the rural Iowa church I grew up in! Right down to that tall kitchen stool and the Wonder bread bags to cover the leaky boots in the winter (set in 1969-1970). Very fun! Thanks Anita, Pam, and Tammy! :O)
On this same day, Mike took and passed his final national EMT exam the first time through! Now he's official, and life can hopefully get a little bit back to normal, without as much studying for exams. Way to go!
Today was Kevin's baseball tournament, so we watched his game at 11:00. His team lost, so they are done for the season. Alec's tourney is next weekend, but I doubt I'll be feeling perky enough to make it to those games. Alec is also going to attend a local Safety Camp for 3 days this week, which sounds like it includes many great learning activities.
It seems like I'm getting busier and busier and not necessarily following all my healing routines like I should be. I'm hoping/planning to get back at that this week. Daily devotions, exercise, tea (I'm doing okay with that!), eating healthy, inspirational reading and music. I have to start planning how I'll accomplish this once I get back to the office (not sure exactly when yet). I need to keep using the reverse osmosis filtered water for drinking & for daily tea etc.. And I'll need to keep daily exercise in the mix as well. Some things to think about...
I will end for now and promise to post again soon! I want to thank everyone for your continued prayers and positive thoughts and helping hands and generous hearts! We've had so many wonderful helpful gifts in so many ways and I am so humbled and thankful. This could easily have been a nightmare experience without all of you - I pray blessings to each one of you!
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